Women who Look Like Me Don’t do Yoga
Feelings of self hate are something that I have had to deal with since childhood. The past few days, they have gotten the best of me. Last night I went to yoga and all I could think about was how disgusting I look.
Women like me, most of the time, we’re good. We are comfortable with our bodies and we dress them well. Then sometimes, we catch a glance of ourselves in the mirror at yoga and all of that self confidence goes to shit.
We think – there’s a reason women like me don’t go to yoga – we look disgusting and awful and shouldn’t be allowed to wear a tank top in public. Who cares that we are trying to better ourselves by being there, the internal fire in our minds says, get the fuck out- you don’t belong here.
People aren’t mean to us at the gym. No one has ever said anything about the way we look. The negativity comes from inside us. Where was all this self-hatred born and how do we get rid of it?
I wish I knew the answer. I wish I could enlighten you all. I wish I could enlighten myself.
But with every disgusting thought I have at yoga, I am pushing myself towards betterment. I keep going, even with the hate filled, torturous thoughts and so should you. Keep at it. Take it one class at a time.
I don’t know if my body will ever change in any meaningful, positive way, but I know that with practice, my mind will. And that’s all women like me can ask.